This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
