I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
