you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
‪So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?‬
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