So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Randomize
