Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
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