the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Randomize
