and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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