he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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