Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Randomize
