I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
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