And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
