She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
