you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
i think we sleep fucked last night...
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
