I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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