how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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