Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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