I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Randomize
