Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
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