don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize