I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Randomize
