go do what you do best...puke behind churches
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Randomize
