Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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