Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
