Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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