hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
