Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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