hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
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