6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
