guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Randomize