Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
