dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
This is classic penis vs brain.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
