AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Of course I have a pirate flag
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize