what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
