I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
