My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Can't talk, ducks in the car
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