Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
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