this beer tastes like vomit already
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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