Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
