it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I just had sex on a roof
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
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