I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
