i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Randomize
