Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
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