note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
