i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Randomize
