Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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