What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
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