please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Randomize
