This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
Too much gin, very little bucket
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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