I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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