Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize
