"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
