I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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