I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
