My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
