He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Randomize
