I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
