I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
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