She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Randomize
