After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
not ubering you a puppy
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Randomize
