But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize