Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
