your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Drunk is not a location!
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
