Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
