so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
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