Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
