I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
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