oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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